Definition of Irony

My mom is the picture of health.

She eats right, she exercises, crap--she even walks around in those skecher shape ups.

The people at her work have taken note of this and have awarded her the "Health Award" for her outstanding example of personal health.

She was given this prestigious award on Wednesday when she was home with walking pneumonia.

Don't feed the dog!

My parents have a dog. Her name is Smokey. They got her in 1997. She is an old pup.

My brothers (d&d) have always had a soft spot for Smokey. They like to feed her table scraps. Everyone know this. We've all seen them give her ravioli, bread, dr. pepper...or a taste of whatever they are eating at the moment.

Tonight we had a lovely chicken dinner at my parents house.

My tiny sister couldn't finish all she had taken.

She asked me what she should do with it.

I replied, "give it to the dog."

It's chicken. Not bad right?

She told me "NO! Don't feed the dog. You'll kill her!"

She then turned to D1, who was sitting next to her and asked if he wanted it. D and I looked directly at each other as he said "Yes. I'll take the chicken."

I could not stop laughing. She could not figure out what I was laughing at. Even as D1 sat next to her tearing up the piece of chicken into bite sized bits, she could not figure out what was so funny.

Really? You won't give the dog your chicken, but you will give it to the person who will?

Silly girl.

Smokey enjoyed that last piece of chicken fed to her secretly under the table.

The Wisest Man I Know

A little nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest men.

Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker.

You should never never doubt what no one is really sure about.

You loose! Good day sir!!

You have to go forward to go back. Better press on.

A small step for man, but a giant step for us.

Time is a precious thing. Never waste it.

Where is fancy bred? In the heart, or in the head?

We are the music makers. And we are the dreamers of the dreams.

She was a bad egg.

If the good Lord had intended us to walk, he wouldn't have invented rollerskates.

For some moments in life, there are no words.

So shines a good deed in a weary world.